Apparently, I will do anything to find a new topic about which to rail…

I have been lacking inspiration for writing lately.  Don’t get me wrong, I still write – almost daily as a matter of fact – but the stuff that has been coming out has been either really negative or decidedly bad.  I miss writing my little topical stuff for notes on Facebook, but I have drained that well for the time being and have to find another outlet.  And then, lo and behold, here comes something new I can write about with no problem.  Besides, turning 40 in 51 short days (and counting), I have discovered a new life change is on the horizon.  So, I figured I might be able to pull off something close to entertaining about this.

Turning 40 with an extra 20 pounds on my belly and bum was killing me.  I was struggling with this on a fairly severe level internally.  My personality can be alternately way too open and forthcoming about some things and strangely private about others. The things I choose to keep to myself may seem odd to some, especially considering that I have no problem sharing or discussing things about myself and my past that most people would die before revealing.  What can I say?  I have a warped sense of privacy.

I was horribly preoccupied with this 40, 20 lb thing.  This was quietly tearing me apart and I was tearing up almost daily in anger, frustration and downright shame.  I had constant negative shit going through my head all day. It does not help that I am a procrastinator with a pronounced lazy streak, making change even more difficult than it has to be.  But I had started taking steps.  I began a yoga class (don’t laugh. While yoga is not zumba by any means, you do work.  Hard.), and that was helping.  I figured since consistency is one of my main problems, I would see if I could stick with the yoga for a month and then I would look into adding something like aerobics to really get the weight loss going.  I even began to sneak off to one of the other floors at work to do some walking for 10-15 minutes a couple of times a day (hating every second of it, but focusing on watching my ass bounce in the reflection of the storefronts as incentive).  This is one of the perks of working on a campus with 3 buildings in which I can literally walk miles.  I wasn’t happy about it, but I was doing it.

I started cutting my food intake.  No more Ray’s in the City soups 4 times a week.  I bought a crap load of Lean Cuisines (without meat – I just cannot manage to choke down whatever they use to pose as chicken in those things) and I was doing well.  And at between 280 and 350 calories apiece, how could I not?  I had a decent dinner that I really enjoyed at home.  Since I like to cook and I am already pretty good when it comes to cutting fat and calories in what I cook at home, I did not feel too deprived.  I also started tracking calories, both in and out, on a website and seemed to be doing pretty well there, too.   I kept my calorie intake well under the 1500 level (sometimes not topping 1100)… except on wine nights.

At 120 calories in a 5 oz. glass of cab, well, you can see how it might get a bit out of hand.  Get Jay and I talking politics or religion and those glasses of wine can add up fast.  Really fast.  Those nights would put me over the 2000 calorie mark in a heartbeat.  But I was not giving up my wine.  A girl has to have her standards and limits, right?  And, while I was not winning any medals for the calories expended, I was counting them.

And THEN…

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