It was Friday night. Jay and I had exhausted the limited list of movies on Charter On Demand and were bored. We had just decided to play a game of Scattegories to pass the time and were lamenting the sad pathetic-ness of this situation when Jay’s phone rang. It was his mother. Now, at this point there were 4 people on the planet who knew about my surprise pregnancy (Jay, 2 friends of mine and me). Jay had tried to call his mother twice during the week (at home and on her cell), but had been unable to get in touch with her – and I think he had been relieved each time she didn’t answer. Around Christmas Jay’s sister had called with a question. It seems that for some odd reason Jay’s mother had gotten the idea that we had news to share over the holidays….news along the line that we were engaged or I was pregnant and Jay’s sister had called to find out if this was the case. Jay had assured her it was not and that was the end of it.
Now, I’ve explained that Jay and I have been living together since May 2010. However, prior to that we had started talking about marriage, as Jay is not an advocate or living together before marriage, or at least not living together before mutually understanding that marriage is the end-game, anyway. That being said, well before we moved in together, we decided on a wedding date that was significant for us. It was, as fate would have it, exactly 7 years from the night we met and 18 months from the day we began seeing each other again. I wanted Jay to have at least that length of time to turn tail and run if he changed his mind. Obviously, it has not come to that. However, although we had been discussing getting married for quite a while, Jay had not shared this information with anyone. Anyone at all – no friends, family, nobody. I mentioned he is a private person, right? (And, by the way he does know about this blog and he did not tell me not to do it, in fact, he did some fixing up and re-arranging of the blog when I showed it to him, so I am taking that as tacit approval for these posts)
As you saw from a previous post, my parents are not happy about us living together, so I did tell them about our plans. That way they could at least know it was coming and not feel like we were planning on living in sin forever. I don’t know what Jay had told his family, as I don’t like to pry and would rather him offer information than me have to ask, although one day out of the blue he did tell me that he had told his mother he was planning on marrying me. It was not necessary, but it was a nice bit of validation, and now that I am pregnant, I would much rather his family know he had that intention ahead of time rather than thinking he was bamboozled into it by a pregnant girlfriend. I have a specific aversion towards women who get knocked up on purpose to trap a man. It is sneaky, underhanded deception and never comes to anything good, and I have seen it blow up in women’s faces plenty of times. It is a pet peeve of mine and one that I feel very strongly about. The very last impression I wanted Jay’s family to have was that I’d trapped him into marriage with a timely pregnancy. I mean, if the only reason a guy is marrying you is because you are pregnant, then you will be miserable and he will blame you – and you deserve it. *steps down off her soapbox*
Back to the phone call. Jay saw it was his mother and knew that he was going to have to bite the bullet and tell her. One, she would ask why he had been calling, and two, he would have to deal with me brimming with hormones (and hurt feelings) if he didn’t tell her. He told her he had some news… that I was pregnant. She actually asked if it was planned, which was sweet of her. I could not understand her end of the conversation, but I could hear a lot of laughing, which I took as a good sign. I think Jay actually used the term “giddy” to describe her reaction… not a word I readily associate with Jay’s mother. Jay had told me she really wanted him to have kids and, as he is 35 and she knows how old I am, I am fairly sure she was not too terribly shocked at the news. There was lots of back and forth and questions to be answered. Then his mother explained that his dad, youngest brother and sister were all at the beach and told Jay to hang up and call them. His dad is an interesting man and his reaction to Jay saying I was pregnant was, “Well, she’s certainly old enough to be.” Jay’s sister got on the phone and asked when we were getting married, very practically pointing out that Jay cannot have a bastard child. Jay’s brother wanted to know when the bachelor party was going to be. After a few minutes of question and answers, and Jay’s sister generously offering her Babies R Us discount to us, Jay got off the phone. He seemed tired out by that much talking (man, he is such a lightweight). A few minutes later, Jay’s phone rang again. It was his other brother. Apparently, while Jay was on the phone with those in Navarre, his mother had called his other brother and told him. Jay’s brother immediately called and offered his two cents, which I guess included congratualtions. However, the focus was on when we were getting married and, more importantly, when was the bachelor party. I was not surprised at this in the least (although, there was mention of a stripper apparently, which certainly caught my attention). I truly marveled at the fact that Jay had talked with 5 people about this and managed to do it in less than half an hour. Once, he did get off the phone, we went straight into our waiting game of Scattegories. I don’t think he could have handled anymore baby or marriage talk and I obliged him by keeping my mouth shut about all things baby and wedding for the remainder of the evening.
I won the game by 4 points. I rule!