Beginning Again

She wondered what it would be like to see him again. He had always made her heart skip when he looked at her with that coy little smile on his face. She had been afraid back then that she was enjoying him too much and that she would start wanting him and he would not want her back. Not for more than what they had, anyway. She had found him the sexiest and most sensual of any man she’d known.  There was something about him that thrilled her all the way to the core.   She could go back to that again. She would just have him when they both could get away and that would be that. He did not have to have a starring role in her life – a supporting one would be just fine. It may not go anywhere, but right now she was not planning on needing it to. She had all she needed right here. Life was going to be good. It was good. She just had to keep remembering that.

He was still the same. The conversation still flowed. The spark was still there. She was still smiling the next morning and all they had done was talk and kiss. She had wanted more and he knew it, but he had been restrained. And restraint could be good. She was going to have to remember temperance and moderation. This could be addictive. She had to stay balanced and not let the high she got from him consume her. And it could. Easily. She had seen that happening before and she had gotten out. She had walked away never imaging there was a possibility she could go back. And now here they were and she was thrilled. She was going to have to watch that. He still had the money clip she had given him for his 29th birthday and she had shown him she still had the poem he had given her. Ah, nostalgia.

She heard the knock and smiled. She took a quick sip of wine and made herself walk to the door. She could already see him on the other side, leaning against the doorframe with the little smile on his face. Her heart raced.  For a second her mind flashed back to when she had opened the door the evening he had brought the groceries and cooked for her. Somewhere she still had the visor he’d been wearing. Now her own smile widened as she opened the door. There he was. There was that smile. He looked down at her and spoke softly. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. As she turned around to walk him in her smile widened even more and she felt that flutter again. She reminded herself to enjoy this and not get too wrapped up. You developed a tolerance to drugs like this and would need more and more to sustain the high. She would have to keep herself in check. If he knew what he did to her, it might scare him. God knew it terrified her.  But then that was part of the rush, now wasn’t it?

Originally written December 28, 2009
  1. I am currently dealing with these emotions, A man i was involved with 2 years ago contacted me and told me that he has been thinking about me a lot. We are seeing each other again and i am terrified and trying to stop the feelings of love that are showing up. He is everything i want and our chemistry is perfect. but i am terrified!

    • Just go with it, I say! If you noticed, this was written December of 2009. Jay and I will be married on the 30th. There were over 5 years between for us. It is so delicious and worth the wait when you realize that the one you let go is the one you want – and you are lucky enough to get that back. Besides, you know you survived when it did not work before, so if that happens again, you know you will be fine. But it may very well work out, so go with it for as long as it lasts. Good luck!

  2. Pingback: The Meeting «

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