You Might Be Marnie…

If you wake up 20 minutes late with two alarms going off IN your bed and two year old feet in your face… you might be Marnie

If you cannot wake said two year old to get him dressed and out the door so you have to resort to tickling and making silly faces… you might be Marnie

If you finally make it to the car only to plug your route into Garmin and find that you will already be 5 minutes late and know that Atlanta traffic will add at least 30 minutes to that… you might be Marnie

If you watch idiot driver #1 take up a whole lane because he did not get in the turn lane early enough and wait like everyone else, therefore blocking traffic and being a general pain in the ass… you might be Marnie

If you then watch idiot driver #2 come flying up and hit idiot #1, bounce off and hit a school bus… you might be Marnie

If you realize that (now that you know idiots and children are not hurt) you actually have a decent excuse for being late that does not include telling your boss you overslept… you might be Marnie

If you are driving down the 400 in Atlanta and pass a car that has blocked 2 lanes because it has either stalled or ran out of gas and idiot driver #3 could not make it over to the side of the road… you might be Marnie

If you have the restaurant where you get breakfast on speed dial and call from the car to order out your breakfast and they recognize you over the phone…. you might be Marnie

If you jump out of your car and throw a bottle of mineral water into your bag, practically run to pick up breakfast and get up to your desk only 20 minutes late… you might be Marnie

If you pour yourself coffee from your thermos and then decide you want a drink of mineral water, not realizing that contents are under pressure and you have shaken up said bottle of mineral water considerably while running in to work… you might be Marnie

If your mineral water sprays like a gyser all over you, your computer and your files, soaking every single article of clothing you have on and you practically scream in shock startling everyone around you enough that they come running to your desk to make sure you are ok only to find you completely soaked….you might be Marnie

If you realize that you always come prepared and there are dry emergency clothes down in your van, which is still warm from the commute in and you have to change clothes in said van… you might be Marnie

If you do not actually get to start doing anything constructive until 10:00 because of all this and you realize it is only Wednesday and there are still two days of the week to go and you are not sure you will survive them… you might be Marnie.

If you write all this and realize that it is true and Jeff Foxworthy could not have made this crap up if he tried… you might be Marnie.

Now here is my question… aren’t you glad I am Marnie and you are NOT?????

Originally written February 10, 2010

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