Once again it is one of those days where I just start typing and let the words take me where they want to go. I have a feeling this will wind up being a bit of a companion to yesterday’s post since it was decidedly negative and I have a need to pull things back into balance and remember where I am coming from, where I am now, where I am planning on going… and where I will probably wind up regardless of those plans.
No matter how frustrated and aggravated I get about no-telling-what turmoil may be going on either in my life or in my head (ok, mostly in my head), I am a pretty lucky chicka. When you take into consideration the lack of planning and direction in my life, I have wound up in a damn good place. And, while I may do a fair amount of bitching, I do try to keep in mind that things can always be worse.
There have been several times in my life when I have heard a rueful laugh from my mother followed by, “Marnie, if you did not have bad luck, you would have no luck at all.” To which I always thought that if those were my choices, I would rather have no luck, thank you.
Well, Mother was wrong.
The bad “luck” to which my mother was referring was mostly consequences of either direct choices I had made or my own shortsightedness. I have lived quite a life and, truth be told, it didn’t have to be as dramatic and pocked with challenges as it has been. But then I was growing and learning and clueless. I was rudderless. And for someone who lived a good 10 to 15 years that way, I have wound up in an extraordinary place. Things could be so very bad. And they certainly are not.
I don’t know how to credit this good fortune.
I don’t know if it is partly because even as foolish, impetuous and capricious the top few of layers of my character and soul are, I have a deeper current of wisdom, strength and perserverence than even I realize. (oh, how I pray this is true!)
Or if it is that my life has been on a purposeful course divined by something larger than myself and, while I may be able to de-rail it temporarily, there was a force above me working (probably pretty hard, since I certainly didn’t give it much help) to keep me on that path.
Or if it was just blind luck (both good and bad), coincidence and circumstance that has driven me where I have been and gotten me to where I am now.
I really have no clue.
However, I will bow to the unadulterated wisdom of Forrest Gump and say that I think it is a little of both. (“I don’t know if Momma was right or if, if it’s Lieutenant Dan. I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it’s both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.”) I will go with the idea that maybe it is all those things, both those about me personally and life in general, that are all working in tandem to bring me to where I am now and will take me to where I will be on the day I die.
So, with my philosophical questions answered for now, at least as far as answers to philosophical questions go, I can move on to more practical matters.
Like painting the house.