My Prayer at 5a

One of the wonderful things about having small kids is seeing the wonder.  Ezra is all about it right now.  He asks regularly, “Mommy does it make you happy for me to be at your house? And are you sad when I at Daddy’s house?”  I tell him that yes, it makes me very happy when he is at my house and I am sad because I miss him when he is at his daddy’s house. 

He drinks in everything with a sense of amazement that I would do well to mimic myself.  Ezra is all about the simplicity of things and enjoying life with no preconceptions or negativity.

He is the cutest little guy you have ever seen in your life, I guarantee it.  He has the most precious freckles on his nose and the most beautiful blue eyes with long lashes.  He really is a beautiful child.  See?

And he can drive me batshit inside of an hour. 

He is constantly talking and moving. He simply does not know how to sit still and be quiet unless he is watching Caillou. Again. I would truly not have to work outside my house if I got a single dollar for every time “Mommy” comes out of that child’s mouth.  If Ezra’s eyes are open, his mouth is moving. 

Jay gets a bit frustrated in the mornings because Ezra really wants to sleep with us. About once a week we have to send him back to his bed at 3a.  It does not help that Ezra knows Sawyer is sleeping with us.  Of course, Sawyer does not have a baby bed yet, so that is a good reason for him to be in ours, whereas Ezra has a full size all of his own, which one day he and Sawyer will be sharing. 

I am a bit more sympathetic to Ezra than Jay is.  Ezra is in bed all by himself at 9p when he knows that not only is Sawyer still up with us, but he will be getting to sleep all night with us when we go to bed.  Poor kid.

So, when 5a or 6a comes and Ezra wants to get in bed with us and snuggle, I let him.

But, to be perfectly honest, I have another reason.  At 5a when Ezra crawls in bed with us and mashes us altogether and our king size bed magically shrinks to a full, and I am laying between a 4 year old I am trying to keep from falling off the bed and a 4 month old I am trying to keep from smothering – all while I am laying on a generous 6 inches of mattress with my arm falling asleep under my head, I remember something very, very important.

For that hour or two in the early morning, Ezra is both still and quiet.  I swear, it is more amazing than the miracle of human flight.  He is perfect.

It is bad enough that he is going to be awake in like 5 minutes, but, even worse, he will not want to crawl in bed with us much longer.  So I will lay on my six inches of mattress at 5a and bask in the quiet perfection of Ezra.  His eyes (and mouth) will be open soon. 

Dear God, grant me patience and the ability to remember these moments 17 hours from now when he is doing a tap dance on my last nerve.  I am going to need it.

[And, even more importantly, 17years from now when this time is long gone and exists only in my memory. And please, God, let it still be a touchstone of my memory 47 years from now as well.  Amen.]

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