I am not talking about a child molester or ax murderer, mind you. That’s evil and there is a difference.
I am talking about a regular, every day, run-of-the-mill person – who also just happens to have a character flaw rendering them either a bitch or an asshole, as if it were truly no fault of their own. They cannot help being negative, soul-sucking people lacking in basic human traits of empathy and compassion as they were apparently just born (or raised) that way and simply cannot help it.
This is the kind of person whose personal agenda is more important than the welfare of those they say they love – to the point they will justify and rationalize any actions, no matter how despicable, to callously (and, I suspect, self-satisfyingly) have their way.
Love, decency, kindness and respect are not things these people understand.
They operate on the idea that life is first and foremost about being right, even when “right” requires a good deal of “spinning of the facts” to make them “right.”
They are spiteful and vindictive people who are most satisfied making rules, passing judgment and handing out punishments…regardless of whether or not they have the actual or moral authority to do so.
You have heard of the kind, right? Hell, I’d bet your know a couple.
They are the ones who are quick to blame the victim.
[A woman is raped outside a bar? Well, sure, it is awful and no man has the right… but if she’d been a good girl and not some slut alone at a bar, it never would have happened, now would it?]
They are the ones who are apparently on the inside track with God, too.
[A tornado hit your house? Awful. Of course, if you were in God’s good graces and went to (the right) church and were not such a pathetic sinner, He might have spared your house. You need to be more Christ-like (like me) and things like that wouldn’t happen to you.]
Hmmm, sounds a lot like Pat Robertson, doesn’t it? Funny how those apparently most able (or presumptuous) to speak for God seem to have very few qualities that could be described as “godly,” isn’t it?
I can readily admit that there are people who I do not like (obviously). I can even admit there are a few who just don’t like me. We all know that there are some people you just cannot get along with and have to do your best to tolerate.
Maybe it is your boss’ secretary who always seems to have eaten something sour and has a nasty attitude – never passes on your work promptly or messages accurately – yet you are stuck dealing with her on a regular (and unpleasant) basis.
Maybe it is your actual boss you have to put up with the same way you have to deal with your 4-year-old’s temper tantrums (but is not near as cute or loveable as your 4 year old – and you cannot put them in time out). [To be clear, my boss is great and in NO way am I describing him, I promise]
Maybe you are lucky and it is just the dour, snitty person at the DMV you only have to deal with once a year.
Maybe you and someone in your family have a tenuous relationship making family gatherings terse and difficult.
Or maybe your ex-sister-in-law is a holier-than-thou, self-righteous, know-it-all whose vindictiveness and spiteful nature cannot even be tempered by her supposed love for her own children.
Or, you know, whatever your particular set of circumstances happen to be.
So, let me give you (and myself) a bit of free advice for dealing with such people.
1. Don’t take it personally – especially if they do. Realize that those that don’t like you are going to be out there and, at least with some of them, there may be nothing you can do about it. So someone doesn’t like you. Big deal. Fuck em. Go hang out with the people who do like you and have a blast. Besides, unless you are one of the people I am describing, you probably have a lot more people who love and like you than don’t.
2. Maintain your self-respect. Lowering yourself to the level some of these people will stoop to will not help. Defend yourself vigorously, of course, especially if you are being wronged or taken advantage of; don’t be shy about that. But always keep in mind, jumping into a pig sty and rolling around with the pig will leave you just as nasty, smelly and disgusting as the pig. What’s worse, though, is that the pig won’t know any better. But you will.
3. Just do what is right and let go of the outcome. While watching those who have wronged you to finally get their comeuppance can be gratifying, you should get your pleasure in life from the wonderful and positive things that abound rather than waiting for the downfall of others. Life is too short for that shit. Then, when God or karma does get to them, it will be like a little surprise gift – unexpected and, therefore, even more enjoyable.
And, finally, as a further public service, I will give you some words. If you are unsure whether someone qualifies as a soul-sucking bitch, try this simple little test. If you can honestly use (more than) 3 of these terms to describe the person, you probably should do everything possible to excise them from your life. At the very least keep your distance. There is no proof that it could rub off on you – but no sense risking it, right?
Vindictive, spiteful, vengeful, negative, judgmental, self-righteous, sanctimonious, pious, hypocritical, hypercritical, pharisaic, smug, hateful, self-serving, self-satisfied, snide, superficial, artificial, duplicitous, moralistic, arrogant, contemptuous, haughty, disdainful, divisive, proud, rude, hoity-toity, heartless, obtuse, insensitive, foolish, shallow, neurotic….